there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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