Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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