I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
