We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
