So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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