i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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