no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
