Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
