Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
