someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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