Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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