Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
