...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
