her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
