ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
