I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
