Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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