Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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