I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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