so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
