ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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