State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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