I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
