boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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