just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
