if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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