Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
