I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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