Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
