Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
