i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
