hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
