I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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