I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
