it glows. i had to have it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
