I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
