So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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