Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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