i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I forget how to act sober
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
