If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
