How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
