Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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