Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
