You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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