weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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