So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
