never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
