I think im going to throw up on grandma
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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