I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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