It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
